Faculty hold students to one goal in annual Pangea Cup final
Nipissing’s faculty members recently took to the indoor soccer pitch for an intense game against the students in the annual Pangea Cup final.
With chronic injuries, sabbaticals and the recent retirement of one of their star players (Jamie ”Limp-along” Graham) the faculty were only able to muster up a skeletal crew of six against the students at last Tuesday night Pangea Cup clash. Anticipating the situation, the students amassed an army of students that Stephen “Atomic Planner” Tedesco counted at about 30 but admits as a rough guess as he sometimes has difficulties with numbers.
In addition to the size of their team the students tactically recruited a number of varsity players (cross-country running, Nordic skiing, and basketball) believing this would provide them some sort of advantage over the faculty.
The students could not be any more wrong as the “scholarly” appearance of the faculty masks some truly exceptional athleticism. The students would learn their mistake the hard way with Kirsten “Elbows” Greer tearing through their defence to rack up a hat trick within minutes of the opening game.
Greer followed up with several nasty twitter feeds that brought an additional shock to the already stunned student players. What followed was difficult even for the faculty to watch as they filled the student net with an additional nine goals from a number of players including the “Atomic Planner”, Logan “Shorty” Hoehn, Jeff “the Wonder Boy” Dech and Dan “Mess(i)y” Walters. Ducan “El gato” Hill and John “The Butcher” Kovacs provided an almost impenetrable wall of defence that was only breached once, possibly by mistake, when Ismael Kaba finally found the back of the net for the students.
Kaba would later admit to reporters that he was not used to playing a real sport like the “beautiful game” and had difficulty keeping up with the cardiovascular superiority of the faculty almost twice his age. Other varsity students would agree, Kayden wrongly believing his recent success at the CIS cross country skiing championship would have prepared him for the speed of the faculty and Sarah admitting her years of training with the varsity cross country running team was simply not enough from keeping her from almost complete exhaustion by the end of the game. Rumors are already abounding that the student head coach “on time” Nicolai has been sacked and that trainer “Mr. Quiet” Rajan has been relegated down to a Serie A position somewhere in Italy.
submitted by Dr. John "The Butcher" Kovacs